May 5, 2018

It has been one week and three days since ACT. Wow! Infusio warns you about feeling bad for a couple of weeks after ACT, but I underestimated “bad”! It has truly been awful. I’ve been in so much pain it fills like I’m starting all over again.and with the pain comes the depression and the emotion. One minute I’m ok and the next I’m in the depths of despair. I’m trying to hold on very tight to reality but sometimes it gets the better of me. It’s like my mind just can’t understand that this is the healing process and it’s not going to last forever. I’ve been married to Henry Earl for twelve and a half years and I’ve been sick for twelve! I feel so bad for him. I feel bad for my children and grandchildren because I can’t just get up and go see them. They are good at coming to see me though and I’m very thankful for that.

I’m going to Scotland at the end of the month. I know that sounds crazy because it sounds crazy to me! My friend, Joellyn, asked me over a year ago before I even knew about stem cells. Her ancestors are from there and she said she didn’t want anyone else but me to go with her. I’ve tried to give her many outs but she repeatedly says no. I’ve done a lot of arranging. Wheelchairs at airports and hotel. We’ll be on the Royal Scotsman train for four days. That ought to be interesting with my lack of balance. 😂 We arranged a private driver for tour of Edinburgh and the countryside. So all in all, it should be a fairly easy trip. 🤞🏼🤞🏼 It sure has given me something to look forward to!

I got in my pool for the first time this year two days ago and it felt like heaven. All the joint pressure goes away, I can move, and it’s the only time I feel kinda like my old self again. I turn on my music and dance around and it is pure joy! It also helps, of course. I just don’t let myself think about Lyme; I just relax.

Speaking of old self, I think that’s been the worst thing about this disease. It is so debilitating that you literally lose everything that made you you. It was very scary going down that rabbit hole and becoming an entirely different person. Now that I have a chance to get well, it scares me that I won’t be able to find “me” again, (if that makes sense). I know I’ll never be the same again. I hope I’ll be a better version of myself. I know I’ll be more compassionate. Maybe that’s God’s lesson to me. I’ve become so reclusive, which is really abnormal. I hope that changes. I just don’t know. One day at a time. And for the two friends that come to see me often, God bless you! (You know who you are) I may not feel good but y’all make me laugh and that’s a powerful healer.

I don’t want to sound pitiful in this post, because I still believe in stem cells and their healing power. I’ll just be glad when, in a year or eighteen months, I can post on here that I am well. That will be a glorious day and I’ll have a party.

Thank all of you who have sent their strength to push me on. I can’t tell you how much it helps. I hope people with Lyme are reading these and know that there is another glimmer of hope on the horizon. Stem cells are the bomb!!! 😁