Done

I am in the same frame of mind as you. I have preached and posted and preached!! Nobody wants to listen and, I too, am trying to come to terms with this being my life, and like you, I’ve just about accepted it. My brothers have come to believe I’m faking this…haven’t heard from them in three years. My stepdaughter the other day said to her dad, “There’s nothing wrong with her! She’s been dying since I met her!” I used to be the life of any party but I only have two friends now that still come around. I DO have a wonderful husband that does everything, but that, in itself, makes me feel so guilty. I was so excited about stem cells. 😢 I haven’t even heard from Infusio since I got them and I’ve been hospitalized three times. I give. I’m done. And they want to shoot exosomes in us now!! I researched that and it can go one of two ways. They can latch on to your good cells and you’ll be fine OR they can latch on to your bad cells and make you worse. I don’t know about you, but, I’m not feeling that lucky these days! Sorry, venting, and just downright tired….

I wrote this tonight to a person in my private Lyme group. I meant it. I’m tired. I’m going to see my cardiologist in a few days and if my heart is ok (having Lyme thickens you heart valve and mine had already started thickening when I was diagnosed) I’m back to square one again. I can’t walk across a room without gasping for air. That’s how this all started fourteen years ago. I’ve been married almost fifteen. Boy, did my husband get a bummer. He never imagined pushing me around in a wheelchair. My pain is ALMOST unbearable. The fatigue is overwhelming. As my Lyme Dr said after my last bloodwork (3 weeks ago) “Your immune system is zero.” I’ve become a germaphobe! I’m sick of the whole thing! I don’t even want to hear myself!

Don’t go thinking I’m suicidal. I’m not. I’ll still go and do when I can (which isn’t often, because getting dressed exhaust me)

If this gets posted to FB, I’m sorry. I’ve tried to turn it off in this blog several times. If it posts this time, I’ll change blog sites. Writing is cathartic for me. At least I have that!